Five True Things by David Richo

Author:David Richo
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Shambhala
Published: 2019-08-26T16:00:00+00:00

Are We Victims?

When God is seen as a rescuer or parent in the sky, we may depend on him for protection and lose our faith if he does not come through. When we give up the childhood version of life, we stand on our own, surrounded by others but not necessarily defended by them against life’s disturbing threats. With no “parent” on the lookout, we notice that we sometimes have to bear more than we can handle, and we may fold under the pressure. This too requires a yes. Our purpose in life is not to remain upright at all times but to collapse with grace when that is what has to happen. The fact of impermanence gives us the hope that we will rise again.

Even the most daring hero is sometimes defeated and has to rely on others for rescue, others who may or may not come through successfully. Since life is a journey, we grow not only by conquest of fear but also by occasional surrender to it. Thus the fact that we are given more than we can bear at times is not a flaw in life or in us but one of the ways we fulfill ourselves by dismantling our ruggedly individualistic egos. We learn to rely on others, however inadequate, and thus acknowledge our interconnectedness. Recall Robin Hood in prison, shorn of his powers of derring-do, waiting for Maid Marian to come through.

The self-help movement sometimes insists, perhaps too rigidly, that we are never to be victims. An adult knows that being victimized is sometimes unavoidable in a full life experience. We all are taken advantage of sometimes, cheated at times, betrayed at times, deceived at times, down for the count at times. No matter how we try to avoid all these possibilities, no matter how fiercely we seek redress when they occur, we cannot dodge them fully. Every human archetype, including that of the victim, is legitimate at one time or another once we are humble enough to accept the fact that anything can happen to anyone. (This means letting it be quite all right to be anyone rather than insisting I am Somebody.)

To be human is to be vulnerable, and an ego that cannot accommodate that and move through it is a hazard to spiritual development. If everything collapses, I will deal with it by staying with the pieces and then picking up the pieces. That piecework practice helps us distinguish two kinds of victims: Some victims are taken advantage of by their own fault or even wish. They lay themselves open for pain and contempt. They may wait for someone to come along and set them free. They become more and more open to being preyed upon as they lose their boundaries.

Other victims, however, are simply vulnerable in an open, healthy way and let themselves experience the betrayals that life and relationship sometimes bring. They are hurt, but they have a spiritual technology to deal with their hurt. They do not hurt back.

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